kurtweitzmann.com

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8/07/04
Excuse me I just passed smog. I passed smog today which is a bit of an accomplishment for me because I'm usually not that good under pressure. It gives me a sense of civic pride that I have not been billowing out noxious fumes of gas, killing butterflies, and in so doing, changing history in unforeseen and
tragically sci-fi, time-travel plot-twist, earth destroying ways.
  But who's to say, if I didn't pass maybe Martin Luther king Jr. would still be alive on a respirator someplace in area 51… Or IS he? I'm sure in my past life I
was smog, or a Nubian prince. Actually, I do believe in reincarnation, I
just happen to believe that this is my first and last life. None of this
seems familiar to me and I'll be damned if I'm gonna worry about coming back.
Maybe I will be taken away by aliens who have mastered the time space
continuum and I will live forever on a slave ship where they will make
me pose naked. I don't care.
  I like big dogs. And pretending I'm a cheerleader and doing the pyramid thing would be almost like showbiz. So what if you have to have things shoved up your ass. It's a trade off.
  OK. What is with the police and stuffing things up guy's asses? It
seems to be a problem. There was the NYPD, then prison guards in Texas, now the Military police are chiming in. It's like the Macarana. When will it
stop? Shouldn't there be a pamphlet printed up or something, or at least a
sign. How about an ass with a baton sticking out of it and a red circle with
a line through it?
   OH MY GOOD GOD IN CHRIST! Has anyone else noticed the correlation between alien abduction probes, and prison guard -slash-
police baton rape? Maybe the aliens are among us and they are NOT friendly.
Or, could it be, they are too friendly? Maybe that is the way they greet
each other on their planet. Yes, that very well could be. So the next time
an army interrogation unit sticks something up your ass, think of it as a
sign of peace from far across the galaxy. And remember you are an
ambassador.
  So relax and tell them everything they want to know. And don't forget to
smile.But the important thing is that the man said my smog certificate was
sent ELECTRONICALLY to the DMV. And I believe him because he stuck a probe all the way up my lower intestine for only sixty dollars.

Kurt